to Boream. On the streets during lunch, I walked breathless, feel- ing the surge, the fires--I must know, I must meet, I must talk. And I could not. At work, I held it down--at least I have that con- trol. But at night it was worst.

I have work I do at night--certain assignments I must fulfill- and I could do nothing. Sit down at the typewriter and I could not concentrate. Nothing could I think of but imaginary conversations, imaginary meetings, those pages of TVia always posing so many other angles and queries and ideas. And always the thought--was I wrong, would I find these people strange, repugnant? Perhaps--who could

tell, but I had to know.

For a month my work at home was totally disrupted. I found excuses, I claimed to be stumped for data, but the truth was I could- n't concentrate for the agony in my soul.

I wrote a second letter, a little less cautious, a little more open. I had to take the chance, I had to make contact. And still the days went by and no answer, until at last just a brief pink note that said Virginia would call me at my motel in Los Angeles. And the pang died down, just a bit, it became bearable. But not much more than that, for now it was marking time. And what, my mind hint- ed, if the TVia people never made good, if we failed to contact. That stay would be a horror...a burning, agonizing horror.

Understand--I am no practicing TV. This has been a controlled caged urge--some slight locked-room occasions dotting the years- but never a real dress-up and never likely either. And now this flame, out of control, burning me up, against logic, against caution, against sense. But all on TVia, a magazine whose sincerity seemed deep and real. A torch that fired the coals of hell for me.

I have met Virginia and I have broken bread with her and her brother and her wife and her friends. I am at ease, my heart is calm, my soul is cool. They are good people and I say this in all sincerity, I know not what the future will bring nor what new fires may blaze out. Whether I will ever practice cross-dressing I do not know now any more than I did before. Possibly no more than ever bo- fore--but I know where I stand. I have an iron will and I have things to defend which perhaps may outweigh any desire to join you fully. But I am on your side and I want to know more of you.

59.